Aperture Investment Opportunity #1;Turrets

You know the Turrets? Those big, tall things with guns enough to make you look like swiss-cheese?
NO, DON'T GO! I'M KIDDING! It's no trolling or rick-roll, but you're gonna like this.
Seriously now;

Greetings from my friends at Aperture Science, and i present you the most popular version of our military-grade equipment, the Turret!;

Little inoffensive critters, aren't they? I don't think so. They're the same technology we use to make difficult and deadly tests at Aperture Science!

Scares the [REDACTED] outta them!

How we do put any bullets in them? Commercial secret... BUT, i can tell you that Turrets are very loyal, and the chances of a defective Turret showing up are very slim*. We sell them in almost all camouflage purposes, which include...

...Forest.

...Desert.

...Ice.

...Volcano.

...And the Invisible Ninja Turret!**

We are also selling a pre-beta release*** of a Rocket Sentry Turret, with electric aim! (For limited time only.)

After fabrication, we box 'em up and send them right to you...

...so you can protect what you value most.

Try getting near that egg. You're dead. Heh.

O.S., we're done here.

[*:Although defective defective Turrets are blind, bullet-less and more sarcastic than normal Turrets, we do not recommend contact with them since they may still be active and have the terrible habit of self-destructing.]

[**:The Ninja Turret is known for not showing up even when needed.]

[***:The Rocket Sentry is known for attacking anything in sight. Use at your own risk.]